he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
"it" just moved
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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