Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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