I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
