my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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