my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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