its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
