My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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