Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
