did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
