very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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