You're so nebulous sometimes
you would pick up someone in the library
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
