Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You have to summon your inner elephant
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
