i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
