I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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