just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
