we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
