I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
