if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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