I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
