New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
