When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
well you can't waste a boner
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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