Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
