Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
