You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
