hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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