our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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