Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
