i think my tv is drunk
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
