the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
