His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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