you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
