These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
