Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
