I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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