You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
