By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
