meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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