Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
