he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
