I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Houston, we have a squirter
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
