WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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