I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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