dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
