Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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