so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
