I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
