dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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