We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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