I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
