And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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