Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
