Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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