Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
